


Shouldn't Have Left

by uwujii



Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [4]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anger, Angst, Illnesses, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27384514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uwujii/pseuds/uwujii
Summary: Oh, promises.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou & Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995433
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Shouldn't Have Left

**Author's Note:**

> Day 4 (Tier 1, 2 & 3): Broken Promises + Illness / Death + "I wish I'd never met you" 
> 
> TW // death, illness, anger, cussing, mention of being depressed
> 
> Spoilers!Post-timeskip 

"I like you, dumbass." 

"Oh? Is that a joke, Bakeyama?" 

"No, you fucking idiot." 

"Hey!"

"I like you too."

* * *

"You still like me, Tobio?" 

"Hm, maybe."

"What!" 

"Yeah." 

* * *

"Tobio, I love you!"

"Where'd that come from?" 

"I'm expressing my love for you why are you like this!" 

"I'm kidding, I love you too." 

* * *

"You still love me? All the way from Brazil?" 

"Are you doubting me, Tobio?" 

"No, I just, it's weird without you screaming for a set." 

"Awe, you miss me!" 

"Call it what you want." 

"I do. I promise to come back. I love you!" 

"I love you too." 

* * *

"Even if we're on different courts, Tobio?" 

"Doesn't matter, I still love your dumbass."

"Hey, I've gotten smarter!" 

"That wasn't the point." 

"I know, I love you!" 

"I love you too." 

* * *

"Ev—"

"Yup, now we're on the same court again! I still love you, you still love me. I promise to always stay by your side!" 

"That's quite the promise."

"Are you doubting me, Tobio?" 

"Of course not, I was kidding."

"I know. I promise to be with you always, to love you and support you anywhere. We'll together until we grow old!" 

"A promise then?" 

"It's a promise!" 

"I love you." 

"I love you too!" 

* * *

"Today, Hinata Shoyou from Japan men's national volleyball team was rushed to the hospital after their match against Canada. He was reported to have collapsed after arriving in Tokyo this afternoon." 

* * *

No one went straight to the hotel when they arrived; everyone followed the ambulance as soon as they took Hinata away. It was dead silent; only Iwaizumi was allowed inside the room. Everyone else was waiting outside, tense, and panicked.

But out of everyone from the team, Kageyama was the most worried. That was his boyfriend in there, the love of his life, and he had just seen him collapse on the ground without him noticing. He couldn't see anything odd about Hinata when they were on the way home, so he spent his time thinking of what could have happened.

Everyone saw the door open slowly; they were still quiet when Iwaizumi exited the room with a stressed look on his face. They watched their trainer lean on the door with a heavy sigh and then make eye contact with Kageyama, which made his heart pound.

"What did the doctor say?" Yaku was the first one to speak up. Iwaizumi took one last look at Kageyama before clearing his throat, "Hinata's awake, but he's going under a lot of tests. He's not allowed to be with anyone else but Hibarida-san and me. I'm sorry, Tobio."

Kageyama nodded, frustrated that he couldn't see him, but he had no choice. "All of you are tired from the trip, go to the hotel and get some rest. You can come back in the morning when the results are in. Even you, Kageyama," Hibarida looked at the restless setter.

He was about to object, but he felt Atsumu's firm hand on his shoulder, "c'mon, let's go. He wouldn't want you to tire yourself by waiting out here," he saw Atsumu's eyes, it used to be filled with joy and mischief, but right now, it was filled with worry.

He reluctantly nodded, he didn't want to leave Hinata, but he was tired. So, he took his and Hinata's bag with him to the hotel where everyone else was staying. Everyone was supposed to celebrate their win against Canada, but the news about their wing spiker was greater than their success.

—

No one slept well that night.

Kageyama was the first one to leave the hotel, but he arrived to find Iwaizumi already there. "Iwaizumi-san," he greeted, but a frown and a nod met him, "the results are in, Hibarida-san's inside talking to the doctor."

After an hour of waiting, the team was already outside the room, waiting for their coach to tell them the news. It was incredibly worrying because of how long it took. If it were nothing like fatigue or exhaustion, it wouldn't reach an hour of explanation.

They all knew something was wrong, but they were too afraid to think of what it could be.

The door creaked open, making everyone look at it. The doctor in charge and their coach left the room with sad looks on their faces. Everyone was terrified. "How's Hinata?" Iwaizumi asked, knowing that none of them could have the guts to ask themselves.

"Hinata's test shows that he has Myotonic dystrophy type 1, also known as Steinert's disease. It weakens a person's muscles over time, and overall, their body. It showed that his heart and respiratory system were affected by the disease and was gone unnoticed and not untreated for it to be managed. He has admitted to having noticed symptoms, but he's ignored them, thinking that it was because of the rigorous training."

"Is there a cure for this, doctor?" Iwaizumi asked again, his brows furrowed, frustrated. "I'm afraid to tell you, there is none. Hinata's heart and respiratory system aren't in the best condition, because of the neglect of his illness, it worsened every time he pushed himself."

"Does this mean he won't be able to play for a while?" Bokuto spoke up, the same frustrated look like Iwaizumi's was on his face. The doctor shook his head, "I'm afraid this is the last time he's able to play. Him collapsing was the final straw for his body. I'm sorry, by the next few months, his body will give up."

"So he's on borrowed time?" Sakusa questioned, and the doctor nodded, "he has a year."

_A year._

The doctor let them enter the room. The room was wide enough for everyone to fit, and as soon as they entered, they saw the puffy-eyed wing spiker. Kageyama was the first person he met eye contact with, and tears started to fall on his face again. Hinata started sobbing.

Everyone was quiet; most of them looked away, but not Kageyama. "I'm sorry, everyone," Hinata started, his words muffled by his trembling lips. "I thought it was just nothing. I didn't—I didn't know it would be like this!"

Tears started to form in everyone's eyes but Kageyama. "I'm sorry. I should have paid more attention. I should have told Iwaizumi-san when I felt my chest hurt multiple times on the court. I should have—" He stopped, his own sobs overpowering his ability to speak.

It came so soon, so unexpectedly, and at the worst timing possible too. Hinata would never be able to jump, hit the amazing sets from his setters, run around with Bokuto and Atsumu while Sakusa avoided them, learn a lot from Ushijima, compete with Hoshiumi, get teased by Yaku when he'd fail on a receive, and have Komori help him, hear Aran's jokes on the court, hear Yudai and Gao's tips on blocking, he wouldn't be able to be in the same team as them anymore. Most importantly—Hinata could never play volleyball again.

"You can still fly," Kageyama spoke up, approaching him on the bed. Hinata just continued to sob, and Kageyama took him in his arms, he looked at everyone, and they nodded. They filed out of the room to give them privacy.

"Tobio, I can't—" Kageyama shushed him, "You can still fly in different ways. You still have time, alright? Let's try everything we can do for you," He told him, holding in tears as he spoke. He couldn't cry now, not when Hinata's just been hit with news this devastating.

Kageyama told him reassuring words until he fell asleep from exhaustion; he didn't get sleep last night because of the tests. So, Kageyama left the room with everyone still standing there.

They were quiet, but they were all troubled. The most that he's noticed was Iwaizumi, and it struck Kageyama immediately. He was their trainer; it was his job to know something so important. He assumed Iwaizumi felt responsible, like everyone else probably did. He didn't notice, none of them did, and the guilt crawled on them. Kageyama frowned and sat on one of the chairs. No one spoke until the doctor told them when Hinata could be discharged.

—

Hinata was discharged a day after, but he had to be taken back to Miyagi to his family.

Everyone was devastated. The person who proved himself back in high school even with his height, trained at the other side of the world, eventually reached his goal to become pro and became a wing spiker for the Japan national team was pulled back down by an illness.

Some of them accompanied Hinata home. It was painful to not see a single smile from him, but no one could blame him. Hinata lost everything he worked so hard for. He did everything for volleyball, but now, he could never play again. No one could imagine what he was feeling.

Kageyama was with him through everything. Hinata had bought his family a new house when he saved enough to pay his parents back, so both of them headed there. His parents and Natsu greeted them with tears in their eyes.

Kageyama watched them hug each other and cry. He stood at a distance and pushed back the tears. He didn't want to cry; he couldn't show them to him. He shouldn't. He should be supportive; Hinata felt a hundred times worse than him; he's not allowed to cry.

With the given free time of two months, Kageyama stayed with Hinata. He never left his side, not when Hinata told him to train, not when he was told to leave, not when he was yelled at out of frustration, no, Kageyama never left.

Even with the nights filled with tears, the days feeling dull, the smile on Hinata's face rarely there anymore, not when his lover's body was deteriorating every single day, no, Kageyama never left Hinata's side.

He never shed a tear either; he needed to be strong for both of them. Kageyama had to be their pillar; he needed to be there for him. He knew he had to go back to the team at some point. He did his best to be there for him, trying to make him feel better and making sure they tried everything they could to make him 'fly', knowing that Hinata would be alone when he needs to leave.

—

"I won't go."

"Tobio, go."

"No, you'll be alone here. I need to be with you."

"Natsu will be here, don't worry. They need you there."

"I need to be with you, here."

"I need you there."

"I love you, Shoyou. I'll be back."

"I love you too, Tobio. I'll be here waiting."

—

Those five months weren't the best.

Kageyama did his best to concentrate on all their plays. Of course, he did perfectly, but mentally, he was a wreck. There was no day that Hinata didn't go through his mind. They called every day, always talking until Hinata told him to go to sleep.

Out of Hinata's request, he tried to be more talkative and told stories. Sometimes, Bokuto and Atsumu took over. Even Hoshiumi and Ushijima joined in, and sometimes the whole team talked to him.

Oh, how Hinata's heart hurt.

He missed all of them. He didn't just miss volleyball, the ability of seeing over the net, the feeling of spiking a ball, the feeling of successfully hitting one on the court—no, he missed his teammates so much more.

He missed Bokuto's 'Bokuto Beam' in action, Atsumu's sets, Sakusa's wrist warm-ups, Ushijima and Aran's powerful spikes, Yaku and Komori's clean receives, him and Hoishumi's rivalry, Gao and Yudai's scary blocks, getting yelled at by Iwaizumi, and being told plays by Hibarida. Most of all, he missed being by Kageyama's side on the court he loved.

He could only be with them through the television, cheering on the couch as every day seemed to be harder to get there. It depressed him, being alone in times like those. He always told Kageyama about how he felt, and he always listened and told him words to comfort him.

Many of his friends dropped by to visit him, to catch up and help take his illness off his mind. They helped, but every time they had to leave, Hinata was alone again with his thoughts. He blamed himself because of what happened. He could have at least made it better if he was just paying attention. But he didn't, and every day, it haunted him.

In the time Kageyama wasn't there, he eventually learned to accept the disease making him weaker. When he wasn't able to hold a glass of water, he knew it was over. When he couldn't walk over to the bathroom, he knew he had to be hospitalized.

At the same time that he was admitted, Kageyama went home. His heart pounded when he was told that Hinata collapsed again, but this time he couldn't even get up with his arms. He was already so weak.

He arrived to see Hinata looking thinner than he used to. He could see how short his breaths were and how he looked pale. When Hinata saw him, he cried, but Kageyama didn't. He shouldn't. He's not allowed to.

—

They knew they were running out of time.

Kageyama made it his duty to be there every day for Hinata for the last months left. He still had his career, but he wanted to be with Hinata. He was allowed to do so; the only thing they told him was for him to come back.

Kageyama never knew how to deal with this. Ever since the day they were told, he stopped functioning, his brain wouldn't let him think about it, and he distracted himself by playing volleyball and putting all his time into taking care of Hinata. He always made it a goal to show Hinata that he loved him with everything he had.

He never let himself sit down and let process what was happening. He ignored all of it. Everything was pent up, the thoughts, the emotions, everything.

He didn't think doing all that was going to bite him back.

—

"I'm sorry I couldn't hit one last spike."

"Huh? What are you saying?"

"I'm just, we never know, you know?"

"You promised."

"Tobio, I know, but—"

"You promised me that we'd be together until we grow old. But now you're bedridden and dying."

"I'm so—"

"You shouldn't have promised me something like that."

"Tobio—"

"No! It hurts me hearing you say that. It fucking hurts, you know? I can't even look at you without thinking of it happening when I'm asleep, when I'm out doing errands, I—I can't deal with it!"

"Hey—"

"I,"

"I wish I never met you."

"Tobio no—"

—

Kageyama was in _pain._

He left the hospital after that. He couldn't handle Hinata talking about himself like that. He couldn't take it. He didn't want to hear it, mainly because he's been ignoring it for the past year. He knew it was near, but he didn't want to hear it from him.

All his feelings finally had enough being bottled up, and it spilled at the worst time. Making him say things that he didn't mean. Things he regretted immediately. After thirty minutes, he calmed down and went back to the hospital, already thinking of an apology.

But when he arrived, he saw doctors and nurses running toward Hinata's room. A wave of panic went through him when he ran with them and entered the room, the heart monitor was beeping and the line was flat, and the doctor stood over Hinata's unconscious body.

"Hinata Shoyou, time of death, 9:10 am on November 4."

Kageyama cried. The first time he had in the whole year he'd been with Hinata. He cried so much that all the staff had to leave the room. He clung to Hinata and sobbed on his lifeless body, regret, and guilt washing over him as he clutched tighter on his shirt.

"I love you. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it. I really didn't I—" he had to stop to sob harder. The pain from the past year along with the words he said just thirty minutes ago stabbed him in the heart.

"I," he took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He took Hinata's cold hand, wiping his tears with his free hand, "I'm here."

The same words Hinata said when Kageyama was scared that no one would spike his precise set.

"I'm here. I'm sorry. I should have been here. I shouldn't have left. You—" he choked on another sob.

"You can fly now."

The only time Kageyama left him for thirty minutes after a fight, and that was when Hinata had to go.

He should have been there. 

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : I am not a medical professional so I'm not sure everything I wrote is 120% correct.


End file.
